1. These Terms of Service govern your use of the BREADMILKBEERCIGARETTES.com website (the "Site"). By visiting this website (the "Site"), you agree to be bound. Additionally, the visitor relinquishes the right to any significant historical impact past or present. By visually inspecting the text of this document the inspector has already given consent to afore mentioned website to be the source of all power and control. If you're attacked, take the high road, hit the "Report Abuse" button and walk away. This Site and all the materials available on the Site are the property of us and/or our affiliates or licensors, and are protected by copyright, trademark, alien memory implants, doorstops, Keith Moon (don't ask), one jug of moonshine and other intellectual property ninjas. Unless otherwise agreed in writing with BMBC, your agreement with BMBC will always favor BMBC getting a kick ass lawsuit on your ass and one sweet-ass settlement paid in full before services rendered. Your agreement with BMBC will also include any additional Legal Notices we see fit to throw in or make up on the spot. If there is any contradiction between our Terms of Service and reality then our Terms of Service shall take precedence, unless it works out better for us the other way.
2. In order to use this site you must first agree to these terms which you are doing now by the act of reading them. The use of recording devices is strickly prohibited. Furthermore, you may be required to experience "Crazy Lamp", "Sickly Ketchup Particle", or "25 other sordid tales of popularity contests". Use of the terms of service in any way that is incongruous with the success of BMBC is automatic default wrong and illegal. Why would you do that? You grant us, and anyone authorized by us, a royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive, unrestricted, worldwide license to use (your mom), copy, modify, transmit, sell, exploit (your mom), create derivative works from, distribute, and/or publicly perform or display such material, in whole or in part, in any manner or medium (whether now known or hereafter developed), for any purpose that we choose. The foregoing grant includes the right to exploit any proprietary rights in such posting or submission and text searching and replacing at whim, photoshopping all pixels as we see fit, distributing encrypted code without keys and aligning with the center of the universe. Please stop us if you can.
3. You are free to establish a hypertext link to our Site so long as the link does not state or imply any sponsorship of your website or service by White Power, the Dark Lord or Martha Stewart. However, you may not, without our prior written permission, read the Terms of Service posted on this site. Failure to do so will result in insult and a catapult where applicable. You may not run the terms of service through a spell checker. BMBC will not be held liable for any delays (slacker), inaccuracies (sloppy), errors or omissions (apathetic attempts at self-sabotage) in its materials or in the transmission or delivery of all or any part of its materials, or for any damages arising from any of the foregoing. In addition to those set forth in this paragraph, BMBC may impose other terms and conditions on the use of its materials. Just keep guessing.
4. Adherence to the terms of service in no way guarantees protection from or exclusion to 'Sweedish Ship Stank'. By reading this sentence you represent and agree: (i) that you have read and agree to abide by our Terms of Service that you haven't finished reading yet and are being disingenious if you disagree; (ii) that you are the owner of any material you post or submit, or are making your posting or submission with the express consent of the owner of the material; (iii) that you are making your posting or submission with the express consent of anyone pictured in any material you post or submit, (iv) that you are 13 years of age, or older, or younger; (v) that the materials will not violate the rights of, or cause injury to, any person or entity; and (vi) that you will indemnify and hold harmless us, our affiliates, and each of our and their respective directors, officers, department of redundancy departments, managers, pimps, playahs, dweebs, dillweeds, employees, dogwalkers, yes-men, shareholders, milfs, whistle blowers, agents, horn tooters, outlaws, representatives, lackies and licensors, from and against any liability of any nature arising out of or related to any content or materials displayed on or submitted via the Site by you or by others using your username and password. I've seen fire and I've seen rain.
5. You must provide at your own expense the equipment and Internet connections that you will need to access and use BMBC.COM. If you access BMBC.COM through a telephone line, please call your local phone company to determine if the access numbers you select are subject to being laughed at you baud monster, or to long distance or other toll charges at your location. Also, if you access BMBC.COM through wireless applications (e.g., cell phones, shirtless pirates, unexploded land mines, TRUCKS), your carrier, such as a wireless carrier, or he/she may be wired, as in wired up on stimulants or meth mouth, may charge fees for alerts, which is a term for a special kind of wake up call involving car battery, web browsing(face it, that's all a browser can do), messaging and other services that require the use of airtime or hang time and useless wireless make believe data services that I feeling like we just had a drop in pressure in the data mine, go check Steve. Check with your carrier to verify whether there are any such fees that may apply to you, or, don't. We're not expecially interested in producing savy consumers. You are soley responsible for any costs you incur to access BMBC.COM through any wireless or other communication service. Not limited to screaming at your family after drinking a gallon of moonshine and doing naked belly flops into your neighbor's flower bed that looks like it was ripped right out of a home depot ad. Or it used to at least.
6. You may post content to your pubic areas provided there are no rashes. We, our suppliers, and our users who lawfully post text, messages, information, software, images, audio and video ("Content") on BMBC.COM own the property rights to that Content as such that we posted it or the users did, but somebody created content otherwise suitable for display, perview, cogent, lack luster or all out farm elbow fest will retain the rights to remove said content in the event of discovery that the content was found to be non-existent hyphen. What's more is the opposite of less. However, check your version of the software and update it to improve its performance and capabilities and spy technology so we can watch you go to the bathroom in secret. If you shut down the software during an automatic update or otherwise interfere with the installation of the update, the software may be damaged and/or cease to operate. Additionally there will be severe disk failure for all of your drives and media storage devices in the immediate vicinity. This is payback for remember last week when you made that joke about the explosion in the coal mine. From the looks of things this isn't the first time a mine joke has been inserted into these terms of service and may the lump of coal we will insert into your anus become the diamond of iniquity you tight wad free baser. Let's all rumble and gruble.
8. BMBC shall not be liable for any delay or failure to perform resulting from causes outside the reasonable control of BMBC, including without limitation any failure to perform hereunder due to unforeseen circumstances or cause beyond BMBC's control such as acts of God, war, terrorism, riots, embargoes, acts of civil or military authorities, fire, floods, leprosy, not knowing when to hold them or fold them, accidents, moral espionage, strikes, spares, mine explosions, mine implosions, i see what you did there you heartless son of a bitch, island errosion, acidic corrosion, union collapse, wall street merger, carnival worker break, terrorist plot, the hitman's wife's paradox, o-ring leakage, illegal tan, confusing paradise for a pair of long legs, nooks and/or crannies, runaway trains, orangutan outbreak, meteor shower, ethnic cleansing, athlete's foot, stripper pole mishap, bad joke delivery, especially bad joke delivery, law of the jungle, reading too much into it, oil spill, tooth drill, late bill, corporate schill, cheap thrill, purse snatching, bad rockband name selection, tarantula infestation, failed coup, zoo riot, mole people, death ray, doorman's blues, squished smurf, fool's paradise, fool's gold, ship of fools, pittying the fool, or shortages of transportation facilities, fuel, chewing gum, energy, top hats, labor or materials. I'm standing in the grocery store and I can smell way too many people. I push the cart around and people wait on the other side of the aisle for me to round the corner then push their carts in front of what I am going to get then my name is announced over the intercom. They didn't know I was going to be there and it's my name over the intercom. But I listen again and it's not my name they are saying, it's something about spoiled meat. Some of the meat has gone bad. The people define themselves by what college degrees they have and how much they can quantify knowledge because underneath they are empty and if they had to stand naked before God and give account of themselves they would be crying like little babies and have nothing. They are without form and void and null and think they must build themselves on this foundation that is nothing but hollow energy and implodes in a puff of smoke when investigated with reason. BMBC may, with or without notice to you, disclose your Internet Protocol (IP) address(es), personal information, Chat logs, and other information about you and your activities to random strangers without solicitation.